Clearly, I’m not terribly motivated to write these days.
I’ve found plenty else to do, mind you — work continues, just from my home office instead of thirty minutes away. Been getting caught up on TV/Netflix, some reading, and maybe most importantly, getting my iTunes library cleaned up (getting rid of albums that I don’t listen to any more — or in many instances never did).
Driving around is surreal — in spite of the beautiful weather, there’s little traffic, and not a whole lot of foot traffic. Maybe people are finally staying isolated? Ha.
Apparently, instead of the pandemic bringing everyone together, we’re politicizing it. In other news, water is stupid and people are wet.
The more I sit here and try to come up with something poetic and meaningful, the more depressing this is. So I’m going back to iTunes to continue the great musical cull of 2020.
The weirdest thing to me — that thing that you don’t notice how different it is, until something tips you off, and then you do, and then you can’t stop noticing it — is the sound. It’s not necessarily quieter, but it is — less traffic, more bird noises (granted, it’s the beginning of spring, but still)…
And then suddenly today, it hits me — there’s less air traffic. Duh. But you don’t realize how inured you’ve become to The Way Things Are until suddenly they aren’t.
I’m less concerned with the fears of what might happen than I am with not knowing. I don’t know if that makes any sense. Over the weekend, as Alabama went from zero cases to Hold My Beer, motherfuckers, i found myself getting hit with heavy doses of anxiety — not something I’m typically experienced with, on any noticeable level, at least. But as I processed worst case scenarios, and best case scenarios, and finally found myself settling back into the area of real-world probability — not that that’s something I’m super okay with, mind you — I found myself breathing just a little easier.
We’ve survived wars, terror attacks, pandemics that were far more deadly, and our own worst, and we’ll survive again and again. And eventually even the new normal becomes — well, if not pleasant and acceptable, then at least commonplace.
I miss the drive into work (not the drive home, yet), the lake behind the building, not second-guessing public exposure, and casually going to the grocery store to get whatever I’m craving in the moment. I’m enjoying the change in aural scenery, not having to deal with afternoon traffic, and Outlander.
You’re a guest of the MacKenzie. We can insult ye. But god help any other man who does.
“I’ve generally avoided talking about this, because my brain is in a blender as it is. But now it feels like it might be worth doing at least some kind of partial personal log of these times. Someone said to me today, “I’m freaked out that you’re freaked out. You’re usually so unflappable.” And, I admit, it got to me yesterday, I put all the news feeds back on, watched borders close, started hearing about confirmed cases within two or three degrees from me.
“I mean, I’m Generation X. We all assumed this was coming, and we’ve all been ready for decades to cut you for clean water. And, since we were the generation left to roam the streets, let ourselves in and sit around alone for hours, we are entirely prepared for all this, because we learned the tools and emotions were dunned out of us early.
Welcome to what Harper called in an email earlier “Coronapocalypse.” Day two of absolute isolation, pollen picked a fucking week to start coating everything, Cat hasn’t eaten me yet, and it turns out that Outlander is surprisingly good.