Jesus is my Asst Offensive Coordinator

This goes a long way to explaining to me why all the athletes are thanking Jesus for their 14 yard touchdown receptions or 5 yard end-arounds.

Do you think He started out as coach, though, or did he have to work his way up the chain?

And what sorts of scandals would He find himself accused of if he applied for the position at Alabama?

Do you imagine that even He might not be favorably compared to the Bear?


PATTON OSWALT SPEW December 2005: “If you come a-caroling to my house, you’re going to get yanked inside, strapped to a bed of pine trees, and force-fed a gallon of hot wassail while I recite the screenplay to IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE. We’ll laugh and laugh and scream and you’ll be so bursting with Christmas cheer you’ll beg me to scamper off and find a linoleum knife. ‘You’ve got to help me share all this Christmas cheer with the rest of the world!’ you’ll gurgle. Then I’m going to cut you open and make entrail angels all over the floor!”

On the heels of a migraine…


If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, (even if we don’t speak often) please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me. It can be anything you want – good or bad – BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE.

When you’re finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people DON’T ACTUALLY remember about you!