“I’ve got your problem narrowed down to one of two things. On some level, you’re used to imbalanced women who are going to cause problems to a point where you have the supernatural power to just pick them out of a crowd. That, or you give off pheromones that attract them. Maybe you smell like a delicious drama Twinkie that they can’t wait to suck the creamy life out of.”

To all the girls who think I’m talking about you:

I am.