I traded 5 for less than one…

When I arrived, the sun was behind me and to the right, just before I hit the wall of angry clouds. When I left, the sun was again over my right shoulder, a mirror image of 9 hours before, just before I hit the wall of industrial familiarity.

What a wicked cruel game, to leave the solace of you for this.

About a year and a half ago, I traded 5 years for far less than one. And I’m glad I did it, and I wouldn’t change the things I needed to learn, but the aftermath left me wondering who was going to pick up the pieces, or if it was even worth the bother.

I realized about 3 months ago that it was certainly worth the bother, and so I started trying to clean, clearing out space, neatening up, repairing what I could and throwing out the rest. But then, as roller coasters are apt to do, the apex from which I could see the entirety of the carnival, in all it’s colors and glory and myopic beauty – that peak dropped off with a quick and exciting suddeness and, with a jolt, began a long and maddeningly slow climb uphill.

Why is everything flowery metaphor for me?

There is something magical about you. I think it’s something in your eyes. I decided last night as I watched you watching something else that I was falling into your eyes without realizing it; drowning became a very real possibility.

And now I am sleepless, a state I’ve become far too familiar with lately. I am — where? A comfortingly instable place, one that is an old friend that I worried was gone. A crossroads, where there are too many options and not enough at the same time. A silent place of wondering and waiting.

At this very instant, I am too far away from you.

Metal Health

Oh, the temptation to posit about how much mercury is in my teeth…

But as of today, my weight is up 13 pounds and fatigue and neural states are wonky, probably for the next four or five months, while the Prednisone is flushed from my system. And who said steroids aren’t fun?

In other news, I’ll never sleep again. Or at least, not this weekend. I’m about half-way through the first edit of LILAH AND THE ALIEN; after that, I have to restart and finish dorothymcdaniel.com. Then, back to LILAH, tightening up the edit, cleaning the audio, and scoring it. Whoo. THEN… catalyst4birmingham.com, hunterfilms.com, and a dating article for the Birmingham Weekly. City Stages gig is coming up fast. And at some point soon, I’ve gottogottogotto get Insomniactive up to speed. Or at least presentable.

Must get a new bass head and a new bass guitar, or at least fix one of the two laying on my bedroom floor.

New windshield would be nice.

Oh, and a vacation. Either New Orleans or the beach. Or maybe the mountains.

What is it that normal people worry about, again?